oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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