I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
