I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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