I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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