ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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