This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
