Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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