her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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