Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
