im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
