I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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