Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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