made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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