It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
