The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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