i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
