i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
