You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
