im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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