We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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