So drunk its hurt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
