I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
