He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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