i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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