i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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