this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
