Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
