This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
