Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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