So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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