The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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