I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
