well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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