shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
