I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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