jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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