if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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