Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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