He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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