Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
