Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize