Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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