you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
