An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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