Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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