Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
