So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
