I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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