return my video game
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize