apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
