I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
