think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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