Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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