I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
