please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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