I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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