i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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