I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
