Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
