omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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