its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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