Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
