he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
