omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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