I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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