The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
