The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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