He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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