i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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