I want to stick my p in your. b.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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