Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's great music for shaving your balls
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
