I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize