I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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