I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my poor anus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize