Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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