so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
