Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
