It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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