sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
