Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
