There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
